I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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