Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
