Your face is a jimmy john
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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