thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
