Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
