my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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