no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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