don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
