Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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