Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
