You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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