dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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