So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
