Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
