I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
