i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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