I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
