I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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