i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
