Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
