Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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