today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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