Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
