Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
