Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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