Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
