she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
