I will die if light touches me.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
