"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
