i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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