Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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