I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
