It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
