Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
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I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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