dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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