Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sorry about my life...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
