I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
