before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
