I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I had to cum in my sink.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
