I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
