yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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