Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
