Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
