I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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