Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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