FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
