I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
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