i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
