I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize