yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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