I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I wear drunk well.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
