I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
