how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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