oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
