The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
