I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
