Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
