is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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