why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
