My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
