i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
