i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
