do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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