Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
