I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
