Heybabeimwearingurpanties
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Im part way to drunk.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
