I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
