Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize