I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
