She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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