sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
