I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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