Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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