So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You smell like stripper and shame
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
