Having a random hookup so left but love u
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize