shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
