At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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