stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
