man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
