And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
