Porn is love you can see.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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