My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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