and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we're making bets on your personal life
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
