I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
